MASTERPIECE #2006

Titian, Italian

Italian Princess With Her Panda Express Order Number Flag, 1555

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1982

José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior, Brazilian

"If Curious George Asks What Happened To His Lunch, I Was Never Here.  Got It?," 1897

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1975

William Quiller Orchardson, Scottish

Housewife Receiving Delivery From GourdsToGo.com, 1874

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1947

Lady Laura Theresa Alma-Tadema, English

Baby Girl Taking First Steps (Toward a Lifetime of Food Issues), ca. 1888

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1941

Joaquín Sorolla, Spanish

The Guards Had Warned Molly Not To Make Any False Moves, But Those Flamin' Hot Cheetos in Her Bag Were REALLY Calling To Her, 1892

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1934

Henry Tanworth Wells, English

The Judge Was Thrilled With the Way His Hair Looked in His Official Portrait.  Yes, That Panini Press Had Been Worth Every Penny, 1893

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1919

Friedrich Ernst Morgenstern, German

"I'll Take Two Halibuts and a Salmon.  Unfortunately, My Pants Are in the Dryer.  How's Your Throwing Arm?," 1892

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1918

Frans van Leemputten, Belgian

As Much As Emma Loved Girl Scout Cookies, She Kind of Wished They Made Them a Teeny Bit Smaller, 1892

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1905

Adriaan de Lelie, Dutch

"Frankly, Young Lady, I Could Give a Rat's Ass How Gordon Ramsay Says I Should Make a Pancake.  Now I Suggest You Shut Up While You Still Have Enough Teeth Left To Eat It With," Between ca. 1790 and ca. 1810

Oil on panel

MASTERPIECE #1901

Edmund Leighton, British

Shoot.  That Was Probably the Domino's Delivery Guy at the Door, and Gwendolyn Didn't Have Anything Smaller Than a Fifty.  Maybe She Could Just Give Him the Caravaggio?, 1891

Oil on panel

MASTERPIECE #1897

Charles Courtney Curran, American

Crushed By Her Defeat in the Cabbage-Picking Contest, Lindsay Just Stood There With Her Head in Her Hands, 1914

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1895

Adriaen van Utrecht, Flemish

"Here, Tony.  The Other Street Vendors and I Took Up a Collection.  Now Go Buy Yourself a F***ing Air Freshener," 1639

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1881

Franciszek Ejsmond, Polish

When the Acting Jobs Dried Up, Samantha Resorted To Posing For One of Those Creepy Online Corn Sites, 1886

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1872

Édouard Detaille and Alphonse de Neuville, French

Generous To the End, Corporal Moore's Dying Words Were "Tic Tac?," 1882

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1858

Christian Krohg, Norwegian

"I'm Warning You, Butter.  Hand Over Your Wallet, Or the Loaf of Bread Gets It," 1879

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1854

James Clark, English

"Merry Christmas, Everyone!  I Made My Special Unidentifiable Brown Thing.  Dig In!," 1902

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1840

Gustave Doré, French

"Welcome To the 9th Circle of Hell.  Looks Just Like the 8th Circle, But There's No Vegetarian Dinner Option and the WiFi Sucks," 1861

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1831

N.C. Wyeth, American

"Now Before I Serve the Second Course, Does Anyone Have Any Maize Allergies?," 1940

Oil on canvas

MASTERPIECE #1808

Géza Dosa, Hungarian

"What the --?  This Doesn't Look Like Outback's Takeout Menu.  Where Are the Kookaburra Wings?," 1869

Oil on canvas

A PRICELESS CLASSIC (2015)

Horace Vernet, French

Trying to Decide Where to Put the Starbucks, 1827

Oil on canvas